Love is said to be the most beautiful thing in this world especially if you're in a relationship. That feeling of joy in your heart that makes you feel complete, the sparkles in your eyes, the happiness in your smiles and that feeling of a pure bliss. But what happens when that love is lost? How can someone cope up with a tragic loss? Or simply, how can someone moved on?
This question has been asked many times by many people all around the globe, young and old. To answer this is to establish the stages once someone is undergoing a heart break.
FIRST STAGE: DENIAL.
This happens especially when the couple has already reached a certain number of months and even years of being together. You tend to treat the situation as another phase in your relationship or just a test of your love. You deny the signs, the signs of break up and continue to tell yourself that sooner or later things will be okay between the two of you. You will even try to mask what is really happening.
SECOND STAGE: ANGER.
Anger comes in when your expectation has not met. For example, you thought he/she will do everything to console and fix your relationship but he/she did not. That rage will make things even more complicated. You will play the blame game. Point fingers and conduct History 101 about each others' past mistakes. This stage is very toxic. It will show how the other person perceive the other. Long and dreary arguments which includes cursing, name calling and threats of break up or "amnesia" will occur.
THIRD STAGE: BARGAINING.
When anger subsides, the realization comes in. The thought of everything you have done in the anger stage haunts you. You will feel guilty of the things you have said and wished you've never said it. You will beg for forgiveness and ask for a second chance. Regret is your worst enemy. You will admit that what said was a mistake and you will never say or do it again. You will try to hold on to her/him, even beg him/her to stay and work things out. And to some extent, promise to do everything right if he/she gives you another chance.
FOURTH STAGE: DEPRESSION.
When all your efforts are futile in the third stage, you will then become depress. The reality of the situation becomes clear and the possibility of reconciliation is vague. This is the most crucial point of all the stages because some people resort to suicide if this stage will not be surpassed successfully. In this stage, you will question everything. What you did wrong and what went wrong. You will self pity. You will blame all your flaws for what happened. Every little thing you did wrong, you will magnify it all. You'll be drown to your emotions. Tears will be overflowing, sleepless nights are successive, loss of appetite, isolation, zombie mode on and loss of focus. You will remember everything he/she said and did with you. Everything will remind you of him/her. You will cry, cry, cry and cry. Flood of tears. You will even resort to drinking, clubbing, bar hopping, smoking, dating or anything that will make you forget what happened or him/her or both.
FIFTH STAGE: ACCEPTANCE.
This stage is the finish line of a heart break. If you reach this stage then you will be able to forgive yourself for everything that happened, that it is not your fault that things fall out of hand but it was fate. You will realize your worth and you will stop everything you are doing to destroy yourself. You will continue to live your life without him/her with a hope of new beginning. This stage will serve as a new chapter of your life. You will be confronted by life lessons and realizations. This time, you will face the world with a new you. The one who is a better version of you.
Now who's on what stage? Each stage should be fully absorb to be able to proceed to the last. If one stage is incompletely experienced or understand, the tendency is that you will be stuck on that stage or you have to repeat the other stages before you reach the Acceptance Stage.
Moving on doesn't necessarily follow that you have to cut everything off but if the other person wish to do so then let him/her be. Respect his/her decision. Maybe its her/his way of coping up with the break up. Even after the acceptance stage you will somehow find yourself missing the other person, you will still remember the things that you did together or basically all the memories you have with her/him but this time, you will notice that a smile began to covet your lips. This is an indication that you have successfully recovered yourself from the depths of misery. You will see things differently. You will become mature when it comes to life. And by the time you will know/hear something from that person again, you will be happy for him/her. No more hard feelings.
Conclusion
The best thing to do when you're in a break up is to feel everything. Do not deprive yourself from your own emotions. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to be angry, go and smash things or whatever it is you want to do that will make you feel better. Do not keep it in yourself because if you do, sooner or later it will eat you up. Feel the pain. Every ounce of it. Sooner or later your eyes will dried up and you will eventually get tired of it all. When that time comes, you will have to choose either to suffer or to move forward. There is no better advice than what we finally realize after everything we did.
Do not be a prisoner of your past! Be brave enough to let go and move forward. Fate is what you make it. Be the captain of your life. Do not depend your happiness on others but to yourself alone.
The five stages mentioned above is an adaptation of the five stages of grief and loss.
When all your efforts are futile in the third stage, you will then become depress. The reality of the situation becomes clear and the possibility of reconciliation is vague. This is the most crucial point of all the stages because some people resort to suicide if this stage will not be surpassed successfully. In this stage, you will question everything. What you did wrong and what went wrong. You will self pity. You will blame all your flaws for what happened. Every little thing you did wrong, you will magnify it all. You'll be drown to your emotions. Tears will be overflowing, sleepless nights are successive, loss of appetite, isolation, zombie mode on and loss of focus. You will remember everything he/she said and did with you. Everything will remind you of him/her. You will cry, cry, cry and cry. Flood of tears. You will even resort to drinking, clubbing, bar hopping, smoking, dating or anything that will make you forget what happened or him/her or both.
FIFTH STAGE: ACCEPTANCE.
This stage is the finish line of a heart break. If you reach this stage then you will be able to forgive yourself for everything that happened, that it is not your fault that things fall out of hand but it was fate. You will realize your worth and you will stop everything you are doing to destroy yourself. You will continue to live your life without him/her with a hope of new beginning. This stage will serve as a new chapter of your life. You will be confronted by life lessons and realizations. This time, you will face the world with a new you. The one who is a better version of you.
Now who's on what stage? Each stage should be fully absorb to be able to proceed to the last. If one stage is incompletely experienced or understand, the tendency is that you will be stuck on that stage or you have to repeat the other stages before you reach the Acceptance Stage.
Moving on doesn't necessarily follow that you have to cut everything off but if the other person wish to do so then let him/her be. Respect his/her decision. Maybe its her/his way of coping up with the break up. Even after the acceptance stage you will somehow find yourself missing the other person, you will still remember the things that you did together or basically all the memories you have with her/him but this time, you will notice that a smile began to covet your lips. This is an indication that you have successfully recovered yourself from the depths of misery. You will see things differently. You will become mature when it comes to life. And by the time you will know/hear something from that person again, you will be happy for him/her. No more hard feelings.
Conclusion
The best thing to do when you're in a break up is to feel everything. Do not deprive yourself from your own emotions. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to be angry, go and smash things or whatever it is you want to do that will make you feel better. Do not keep it in yourself because if you do, sooner or later it will eat you up. Feel the pain. Every ounce of it. Sooner or later your eyes will dried up and you will eventually get tired of it all. When that time comes, you will have to choose either to suffer or to move forward. There is no better advice than what we finally realize after everything we did.
Do not be a prisoner of your past! Be brave enough to let go and move forward. Fate is what you make it. Be the captain of your life. Do not depend your happiness on others but to yourself alone.
The five stages mentioned above is an adaptation of the five stages of grief and loss.
